Dysfunctional Family
by Dannrose
Summary: A collection of one-shots, drabbles and other stories about the family of the USS Enterprise.
1. Authorization Code

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello everyone. As you can see I didn't stay away long and this story is my own collection of one-shots, drabbles and other stories which aren't multi-chapter fics. I'll be adding to this as I come up with ideas and it'll mostly be humour, fluff and family fics but other genres might make their way in as well. There will also be a lot of Pavel since he's my favourite character but I'll try and gave them all their fair share of the spotlight. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

_**I don't own any aspect of Star Trek, which is probably a good thing (I finally spelt probably right!).**_

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**Authorization Code**

Pavel was certain that the computer hated him.

Not only did he have possibly the worst access code for someone with his accent but it always took several attempts before it granted him access, much to the amusement of everyone else. Pretty much everyday he would be denied access by the computer and it got more than a little frustrating.

He had been last to arrive on the bridge despite being on time and as such was the only one who still had to gain access to his workstation. This meant that everyone was not so subtly listening when he had to give his code.

"Chekov, Pavel A. Ensign, authorization code nine-five-wiktor-wiktor-two."

The computer gave its calm reply, "Authorization not recognised."

Pavel tried again, "Authorization code nine-five-viktor-wiktor-two."

"Authorization not recognised."

There were sniggers from around the bridge and Pavel took a deep breath before trying again, "Authorization code nine-five-vwicktor-victor-two."

"Authorization not recognised."

Pavel was certain that the computer was mocking him and the sniggering from around the bridge was not improving his temper. Trying to stay calm he attempted to gain access again, "Authorization code nine-five-victor-victor-two."

"Authorization not recognised."

Pavel slammed his fist down angrily, "I said eet right zat time!"

"Authorization not recognised."

There were roars of laughter from around the bridge and Pavel finally lost it and yelled at the computer, "LET ME EEN OR I'LL CONWERT YOU INTO A CASH REGISTER!"

There was a hush as the computer seemed to think about it before giving its answer.

"Authorization recognised. Access granted."

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_**PS-So it was short but hopefully funny and I may update soon. If people have any ideas for me than let me know.**_


	2. Bloodcarver

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Greetings everyone and here is another look at the Command Crew. This time we solve one of the great mysteries of the second film (my explanation for it anyway). Thank you for your support and I hope you enjoy.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

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**Bloodcarver**

It wasn't until Jim was well on the road to recovery after Khan that anyone thought about the tribble.

McCoy had been telling Jim exactly what he'd missed when he 'died' when the captain mentioned it. "So you decided to synthesize a serum from Khan's blood because it brought the tribble back and it might have worked on me to."

McCoy confirmed what Jim said and the captain continued, "You then emptied one of the cryo-tubes and kept it's occupant sedated, put me in it to try and preserve my brain functions while Spock chased Khan across half of San Francisco and nearly beat him to a pulp but Nyota intervened at the last minute and stopped him."

Again the doctor confirmed Jim's summary and the younger man finished off, "Afterwards I was out for two weeks while the serum did its work and healed me, have I got all that right?"

McCoy just nodded and there was a brief silence before Jim spoke again, "Bones, I have just one question."

"What is it?"

"What happened to the tribble?"

There was a long pause as McCoy tried to remember what had exactly happened to the tribble after it was brought back to life and realised that he had no idea. Jim waited and soon guessed the answer when his friend remained silent, "You don't know do you?"

"No."

"So there is a distinct possibility that we have a potentially immortal, super tribble running round the _Enterprise_."

"Yup."

They looked at each other as they considered the ramifications of said tribble on the ship and Jim spoke, "Maybe we should tell Spock."

"Don't worry Jim, I'll sort this."

"You sure?"

"I'll head up, find out what happened to it and then we'll tell Spock."

"Ok but if we have a colony of them up there then that could cause a lot of trouble."

"We'll get it sorted no problem, I'll let you know as soon as I know what happened to it."

"Ok then."

* * *

It had taken awhile for McCoy to reach the _Enterprise _but luckily as her CMO he had authorization to be onboard during the repairs, now all he had to do was find the tribble.

He started his search in the Medbay in the hope that it was still there but it had since moved elsewhere in the last few weeks so he broadened his search. He spent hours searching every nook and cranny in the ship but his search proved fruitless. He took that as a good sign since it could mean that they didn't have a horde of super tribbles onboard, for all McCoy knew the thing could've died since they had a very short lifespan. His search eventually took him to the bridge where he was surprised to see Hikaru at his station working. The younger man looked up as he entered, "Hi Leo, how's Jim doing?"

Leonard took a moment to answer, "Fine, he's recovering well."

"Did he send you here to get something for him?"

"No, I'm just looking for something."

"What?"

McCoy thought about telling him before deciding that it would be fine, "You know that tribble that I injected Khan's blood into?"

"Yes."

"Well in all the chaos of that day we completely forgot about it and now we've realised that we left a tribble full of augment blood on the ship for the last few weeks. I'm trying to find out what happened to it."

"Don't worry Leo, Bloodcarver is absolutely fine."

"Bloodcarver?"

"You know the tribble. I found him weeks ago outside my quarters, I was going to tell you but I forgot. He's in my quarters at the moment."

"You've been keeping a tribble for weeks?"

"Yup."

"And it's not reproduced, at all?"

"Nope."

There was silence as McCoy got his head around the fact that Hikaru had been keeping the tribble and that it was apparently called Bloodcarver. He eventually came up with a response, "Ok, if you could let me take the tribble…"

"Bloodcarver."

McCoy faltered before continuing, "Erm…Bloodcarver. Then I can run a few tests to see exactly what effect the blood had on it and why its not multiplying like tribbles usually do."

"You're not going to hurt him are you?"

McCoy was surprised to hear concern in Hikaru's voice. It seemed that the younger man had become fairly attached to the tribble and he found himself reassuring the helmsman, "Don't worry I have no intention of hurting him." McCoy wondered when he had started referring to the tribble as him, "I'm just going to run a few scans to check his vitals, that's all."

Hikaru still looked worried about the request but relented, "Ok, I'll go and get him for you."

* * *

It didn't take long for McCoy to discover why the tribble was no longer multiplying. It seemed that although Khan's blood had fixed most of its functions it hadn't been able to repair its reproduction ones; this meant that it was effectively neutered but it was otherwise completely healthy. It also had a much longer lifespan and was unlikely to die soon. After McCoy had related his findings to Spock and Jim they were left with the problem of what to do with the tribble now. Hikaru had become very fond of it and eventually convinced McCoy and Spock to let him keep it (with no small amount of help from Jim, Scotty and Pavel) and the tribble named Bloodcarver became the family pet. Since Bloodcarver was largely unknown to the rest of Starfleet the Command Crew just 'forgot' to report his existence and he joined them on the five year mission. Of course the rest of the crew magically didn't notice the existence of an illegal tribble (another one of those secrets everyone knew but pretended they didn't) so it was never discovered by the Admiralty.

They still had no idea why Hikaru called it Bloodcarver.

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_**PS-So there you go my canon now contains a super tribble called Bloodcarver. Please review and let me know if you guys have any ideas for me to write.**_


	3. Dreams Past

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Good morrow to you all. Here is a heavier chapter and you see a bit more of Pavel's childhood. I hope you enjoy this and please let me know what you think.**_

_**Warning-Contains child abuse but nothing to graphic.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

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**Dreams Past**

It really wasn't the best situation Spock and Pavel could be in.

They had been on an away mission when there had been a transporter malfunction preventing them from beaming back up, unfortunately the unique atmospherics of the planet also meant that using the shuttle wasn't really an option either. They were therefore effectively stuck on the planet until the transporter was fixed, they could still communicate with the _Enterprise _so they weren't completely cut off from the ship. As such the only thing they could really do was find some form of shelter and wait for the repairs to be done. This is what caused them to be sitting together in a cave as night fell outside.

There had been several other crewmembers with them on the mission but they had returned to the ship as Spock and Pavel had done few final scans, the transporter malfunctioned soon after rendering it unusable. Since then they had waited in the cave largely in silence and Pavel had eventually drifted off to sleep, knowing that they could be in for a long wait and that Chekov needed more sleep than him Spock let him be and waited for news on the transporter.

Chekov had been sleeping for about an hour when he started to mutter and shift around in his sleep. Initially Spock thought that he was waking up but he realised that the ensign was dreaming, he watched as Chekov seemed to get more and more distressed and came to the conclusion that the ensign wasn't just dreaming but having a full nightmare. Spock was unsure as to what he should do and hesitated as his charge started to whimper, Pavel then let out an anguished cry and Spock acted before he could think. He instinctively pulled the boy into a hug and accidently performed a mind meld.

* * *

It took Spock a moment to realise that he was in Chekov's mind and then he saw two figures standing before him. One was obviously a much younger Chekov, possibly seven or eight, but the other was an adult man that he didn't recognise. The man was shouting angrily but Spock couldn't understand what he was saying as it was in Russian but it was having a noticeable effect on the child Chekov. There were tears pouring down the boy's face as the man continued to yell and Spock could feel the child's fear. The man stopped shouting and the boy answered but it obviously not what the man wanted to hear as he savagely smacked Chekov round the head. The blow sent the boy crashing to the ground and Spock felt an inexplicable emotion stir in him, the man began yelling again as the child cowered on the floor sobbing. The man suddenly hauled the boy up and screamed in his face, he then threw the child back on the floor before ruthlessly hitting him. As Spock watched the beating he felt the emotion that had been building in him explode and it surged through the mind meld obliterating the nightmare entirely.

* * *

Spock returned to reality to find Chekov clinging to him sobbing. The boy was still in his arms and Spock found himself rubbing Pavel's back soothingly as the boy wept. Pavel eventually cried himself back to sleep and Spock continued to hold him in his arms to give him comfort. He thought about what he had seen and knew that it was as much a memory as it was a nightmare; the more he thought about it the more he felt the urge to protect Chekov from his past. It was an illogical urge, that part of Chekov's life was over and done with, but Spock just couldn't suppress it. He then looked at the boy sleeping peacefully with no brutal memories plaguing him and came to a realisation.

Yes, trying to protect Chekov from a past he couldn't change was illogical but he was going to do it anyway.

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_**PS-So there we have it. I'll probably do a lighter chapter next and I'm still willing to take suggestions.**_


	4. Whiskey Revenge

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Greetings and salutations sirs and madams. As I promised last chapter this one is lighter and it also focuses on Scotty. Thank you for your support for this story and I hope you like this chapter.**_

_**Amazingly enough I still don't own Star Trek.**_

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**Whiskey Revenge**

Scotty had been enjoying his nice quiet day.

Things in Engineering had been running smoothly and as such it was as peaceful as it could get down there. He had taken the opportunity to have some well deserved time to himself, not that he didn't enjoy the company of the rest of the Command Crew because he did but sometimes a man needed some quality time alone with a dram of whiskey. He was sat comfortably in a secluded corner near the warp core where he could feel and hear the low hum of his beloved ship (he and Jim had never quite agreed on whose ship it was).

He was just about to take a sip of his favourite beverage when suddenly the whole ship was rocked violently; thankfully the whiskey bottle wasn't thrown to the floor and damaged but the glass in his hand was a goner. Alarms blared as people ran to their emergency stations and, grabbing the bottle, Scotty shot off to get damage reports and find out what was happening. He screeched to a halt when several figures began to materialise in front of him, it seemed that the _Enterprise'_s shields were down allowing their enemy to beam aboard. Scotty had just enough time to register that the boarders were armed before one took aim at him and fired. He threw himself to the side to avoid the shot and it narrowly missed him, he dived for cover and then realised that the boarder had hit the bottle in his hand shattering it and spilling its contents across the floor. His whiskey was ruined and that was also his last bottle.

Scotty's eyes burned with anger, his whiskey would be avenged!

* * *

As soon as they were boarded Jim had got a security team ready and they charged straight to Engineering but their help was going to be completely unnecessary.

They arrived just in time to see the boarders running for their lives screaming to be beamed back aboard their ship, close behind them was Scotty who was charging after them screaming what was most likely a mix of swear words, death threats and insults in Gaelic. Jim and the security officers just watched dumfounded as the Scotsman chased them around Engineering occasionally knocking one of them out with a highly accurate and savagely thrown tool. Eventually Scotty caught up with them and onlookers actually began wincing as he began to beat the boarders up and Jim was certain that a couple off them would no longer be able to have children. A short while later the boarders were piled in a heap groaning and Scotty merely dusted himself off before stalking off leaving Jim and the security team to deal with getting them to the brig.

People eventually found out what happened afterwards and Jim got Scotty a replacement bottle, he also warned everyone to not anger the engineer and to **never **touch the Scotsman's whiskey.

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_**PS-So there we go and I hope you liked that. I'm still looking for story suggestions and a couple of people have given me some which I'm considering but more would be great.**_


	5. Slide

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello everyone. A very short chapter and a humorous moment in the life of our favourite country doctor. I hope you enjoy.**_

_**I own nothing**_

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**Slide**

McCoy ambled quietly through the house.

It had been nearly two months since Jim woke up after Khan and Bones had brought him and Pavel back to his parent's house to stay for awhile away from the media frenzy that was still ongoing in San Francisco. It was early morning and McCoy was heading for the kitchen to grab a coffee before everyone else woke up. On the way he had to pass through the entrance hall, the house itself was fairly large and old fashioned so the hall was a large open space covered in a well polished wooden floor. As a child Leonard had often slid across this shiny surface in his socks and there was one time when he and his friends had sliding races across this floor until his mom had caught them. Luckily she had only given him a lecture instead of tanning his hide for that one but he didn't attempt it again.

He was then struck with an incredibly childish urge.

McCoy carefully looked about to see if anyone was around and saw that there was no-one, he then stood there thinking about it before checking for anyone again. Suddenly making his decision he broke into a run and then slid across the floor in his socks, he slid almost all the way to the door which would lead to the kitchen before stopping and giggling quietly to himself. He looked around again and saw that no-one had seen his moment of childishness and it was a good thing too.

His mother could probably still tan his hide if she found out.

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_**PS-There we are and please let me know what you thought.**_


	6. Tribble Care

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello everyone. Another chapter and this time it features Bloodcarver the super tribble. Thank for your support and I hope you enjoy.**_

_**I don't own Star Trek.**_

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**Tribble Care**

Bloodcarver was on the loose.

The tribble usually lived in Hikaru's quarters but he had somehow escaped when the pilot left to start his shift so now he was roaming the ship leaving Hikaru to try and find him again. Everyone still wondered how the tribble could get everywhere because no-one had ever seen him actually move anywhere, never the less he still could go a long way if you weren't looking.

Hikaru searched most of the ship very thoroughly looking for Bloodcarver, he scoured Engineering from top to bottom, did a careful search in the botany lab, checked every inch of the science labs, looked in every one of the recreation rooms, searched the Mess Hall, the shuttle bay, the bridge, the swimming pool, he even crawled through the Jefferies Tubes to see if he was there but could see no sign of Bloodcarver anywhere.

He wasn't sure where to look next so he headed back towards his quarters in the hope that the tribble had gone back there. On the way he passed Pavel's quarters, the boy was ill with the cold (again) and Hikaru decided to see how he was getting on. He knocked lightly on the door and waited a moment before entering, the lights had been dimmed down but Hikaru's eyesight was fairly good so it wasn't difficult for him to see that his 'little brother' was asleep. Pavel was snuggled up under his bedcovers holding his stuffed wolf Artisky and while this wasn't surprising the fact that Bloodcarver was also snuggled up right next to the boy's side was.

The tribble was quietly purring and making soothing chirping noises as Pavel slept peacefully, Hikaru couldn't work out how the tribble had got into Pavel's room but he decided to see if he could take him back to his quarters. The pilot quietly made his way over to Pavel and made to pick Bloodcarver up. He was really surprised when the tribble actually growled at him and he quickly backed off. Bloodcarver returned to purring instead of growling so Hikaru tried to pick him up again and Bloodcarver instantly began growling again. Again Hikaru backed off and the tribble's purring resumed, he made to pick him up once more and was growled at again. This time Hikaru thought it best to leave Bloodcarver where he was and softly crept out the room to the sound of a tribble purring contentedly.

Afterwards if any of the Command Crew were ill then Bloodcarver would appear and snuggle up to them until they were better and would growl at anyone who tried to move him.

Though they still didn't know how Bloodcarver could move anywhere.

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_**PS-There we are and I hope you liked that. Please review and I'm still looking for any ideas but I may start another story with an actual plot soon.**_


	7. Sticky Shortcut

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello everybody. Another peek into the life of our favourite teenage genius aboard the Enterprise. I'm still working on 'TDFBD' but I thought since it's Easter and it took longer for me to update that story than I planned, I would add a couple of chapters to this story as well.**_

_**I don't own Star Trek.**_

* * *

**Sticky Shortcut**

Pavel was a little bit stuck.

He was down in a lesser used part of Engineering doing some simple checks for Scotty. He was in a narrow gap between two sections and had been searching for a computer panel; he had seen it and had crawled between two pipes to reach it but had gotten stuck halfway. He was now wedged between the pipes unable to wriggle back or forwards with his legs sticking out from one side and his torso from the other.

Pavel wriggled trying to un-wedge himself but to no avail, he let out a frustrated snort and realised that he would have to call for help which was going to be really embarrassing. He then discovered that his position prevented him from reaching his communicator and he let out very colourful phrase he'd picked up from Scotty (one which would have resulted in a sharp reprimand from McCoy if he'd been there to hear despite the doctor's own sailor mouth) and slumped dejectedly knowing he'd just have to wait for someone to find him. He began to verbally work out equations loudly to both entertain himself and make some noise in the hope that someone would hear and investigate, when he grew bored of that he moved onto singing and then began to debate different scientific theories with himself. He was in the middle of a very interesting discussion on whether or not you could go faster than warp 9.9 (he'd been giving some very good arguments against his own 'it's possible' theory) when a familiar voice interrupted him, "Mr Chekov, may I inquire as to what you are doing?"

Pavel looked up to see Spock standing in front of him as calm as always and answered in surprise, "Commander! Vat are you doing here?"

"Mr Scott had become concerned when you vanished while doing the maintenance checks he had assigned to you. As I'm currently off duty I thought it best to assist in the search for you."

"Oh. Vell I ran into a little problem ven I vas doing ze checks."

Spock raised his famous eyebrow and Pavel blurted out in embarrassment, "I tried to reach zat console by climbing betveen ze pipes but I got stuck."

Spock assessed the position the boy was in before speaking, "I assume that you need help to remove yourself from your current predicament?"

Pavel nodded, "Da Commander."

"May I ask why you decided to climb between the pipes instead of finding a more suitable route to reach the console?"

Pavel was wondering why Spock was asking him that instead of helping him but answered the question anyway, "I vas taking a shortcut sor."

Spock raised the eyebrow again before kneeling down and taking a grip under Pavel's arms, "Mr Chekov I am going to attempt to pull you out, I suggest that you try and keep your body as relaxed as possible."

"Da Commander."

Spock pulled as hard as he could but Pavel wouldn't move an inch and after five minutes of trying with no result he released his hold and stood up, "I will have to get assistance Mr Chekov, I will be back shortly."

* * *

In the end it took Spock, Scotty, Jim (who'd come down to help when he'd heard what happened) and three engineers to pull Pavel out. He was then escorted to the Medbay by Spock to check for any damage that might have occurred when he was stuck and pulled out. Spock then proceeded to lecture him on the dangers of taking shortcuts through narrow gaps and how he should always find a more suitable means of approach unless circumstances dictated otherwise.

Pavel didn't hear the end of the incident for sometime.

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_**PS-There we go and a slightly embarrassing situation for Pavel and he features in the next chapter as well. Please let me know what you thought.**_


	8. Life Lesson

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello again. Another chapter for you and this one is set not long after Nero. Thank you for your continued support of this story.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

* * *

**Life Lesson**

Pavel was a bit confused.

Recently it had been announced that Lieutenant Morven was pregnant and of course that meant that she and her husband were showered with congratulations by the rest of crew. Pavel had of course given his congratulations as well but he was now bothered by one question.

How did it happen?

He had of course realised that puberty had something to do with it but he wasn't sure what it was, all he knew was that puberty was the body maturing into an adult but that was about it. He also knew that the male had some role but he didn't know what that was and he didn't want to ask because it seemed to be something that wasn't talked about and he'd apparently missed sort of lesson growing up. This meant that he needed to ask someone to give him the answer but he wasn't sure who, in the end he decided to go and ask McCoy.

* * *

When he arrived at the Medbay Pavel spotted McCoy discussing something with Jim in the corner. They broke off their discussion as they saw him approach and Bones was quick to speak, "What are you doing down here kid? You're not sick again are you?"

Pavel quickly shook his head, "Nyet Doctor, I vas just vanting to ask you a question."

"About what?"

"Somesing zats been bothering me."

"What has?"

Pavel struggled to find a way to phrase what he wanted to say, "Lieutenant Morven's pregnancy Doctor, I vas vondering…"

Jim cut across him, "You're not about to say you're the child's father are you?"

"Dammit Jim!"

Kirk grinned at his friend who was glaring at him, "Relax Bones, I was just joking."

McCoy shook his head irritably before turning back to Pavel, "Now what is worrying you about the lieutenant's pregnancy?"

Pavel had been a bit shocked by Jim's joking question and took a moment to answer, "Nosing really except eet made me sink I'we missed somesing important because I'm not sure how vomen get pregnant."

There was an awkward silence as the two men realised exactly what that meant and wondered how Pavel had managed to miss that vital life lesson. McCoy eventually turned to Jim, "I'm leaving this entirely to you Jim."

Jim tried to splutter out a reply but Bones had already beaten a hasty retreat into his office leaving the captain to deal with it. Jim turned to Pavel and stood there awkwardly for a while as the boy grew more nervous before he eventually spoke.

"Pavel, shall we talk in my office?"

* * *

It took about half an hour and Pavel left Jim's room with the answers he wanted but kind of wishing he'd never asked the question in the first place. Jim came out shortly afterwards and went straight to Bones' office, he entered and slumped in the chair across from his friend saying, "That is the most difficult thing I've ever done."

Bones just grinned and handed him a glass of rum.

* * *

_**PS-How to make Jim Kirk feel awkward with one question. Please review and let me know what you thought.**_


	9. Silent Comfort

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello for the third time today. I know that I've posted three chapters in one day (four if you count the one for 'TDFBD' as well) but I sort of had a fanfiction writing spree today. This chapter gives some insight to the relationship between Bones and Jim and I hope you enjoy it.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

* * *

**Silent Comfort**

Bones rubbed his eyes tiredly.

He was in his quarters working on medical reports and it was keeping him up well into the artificial night. He'd come off his shift hours ago but things had been hectic recently so he had a huge backlog of paperwork to catch up on and most of his free time was being given up to it. He stretched from where he'd been hunched over the desk and massaged the back of his neck before returning to the reports; things were quiet until there was a light knock on his door.

McCoy looked round in surprise before calling out, "Come in."

The door opened to reveal Jim though he had a look that few but Bones had seen, he looked almost haunted.

McCoy had experienced this version of Jim before and gestured to the couch and the younger man nodded before entering and sitting down. They sat in silence and Bones resumed his work knowing that if Jim wanted to talk then he would but pushing him wouldn't do anything. More often than not when this happened the younger man would never say anything but seemed to find comfort in just being with someone he trusted who wouldn't bombard him with questions. McCoy realised ages ago that it had something to do with nightmares but he didn't know what those nightmares were and since Jim didn't want to say he never asked.

Time passed and still the two friends didn't speak until eventually Bones looked up from his work and saw that Jim had fallen asleep on the couch. Deciding that the rest of the reports could wait McCoy quietly got up and gently scooped the young captain up; he carried him to his bed and deposited him carefully onto it. He pulled the covers gently over Jim and softly made his way back to the couch and settled down onto it for the night.

Bones didn't know why there were nights Jim couldn't sleep and he didn't know what nightmares plagued his friend but if he could do anything to alleviate them then he would.

Even if it meant he sometimes had to sleep on his couch instead of his own bed.

* * *

_**PS-Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and Happy Easter everyone.**_


	10. Cute Fear

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Hello all and sundry. So another chapter and an amusing revelation about Jim is brought to light. Thank you for your reviews for this story and I hope you enjoy the chapter.**_

_**I own nothing.**_

* * *

**Cute Fear**

The day had been going well when the call came.

Jim was in his quarters working on some paperwork and Spock was in command on the bridge; they had beamed Scotty and Pavel up from the starbase on the planet below about half an hour earlier. They had been on shore leave and had managed to keep out of trouble while on the planet (amazingly enough), things were quiet and running smoothly when there was a comm. from Jim, "Spock, do you think you could please come down to my quarters for a minute?"

"I will be there shortly Captain."

Spock left the bridge in Nyota's capable hands and made his way to Jim's quarters. As he walked he tried to work out why Jim would wish to see him, he had requested to not be disturbed unless necessary so Spock wondered why he had been asked down. Furthermore Jim had sounded almost worried through the comm. and realising this Spock quickened his pace. He arrived quickly at Jim's door and knocked and a fearful sounding voice called out, "Come in Spock, hurry!"

Picking up on Jim's tone, the first officer hurried in and instantly looked for the cause of Jim's distress but what he saw was definitely not what he was expecting.

Jim was crouched on his bed staring fearfully at something on the floor and making his way quickly to where he could see what is was Spock could not believe what he was seeing.

It was a kitten.

It was a small black kitten with a white front and a large pair of green eyes. It took a few stumbling steps towards the bed Jim was crouched on and he quickly scooted to the furthest away point of the bed from it. Spock raised an eyebrow at his strange behaviour since Jim was usually more than happy to pet animals that were deemed by most as cute, "Captain, what are you doing?"

"I'm staying well away from that furred demon."

"Captain, I am certain that the creature before you is a kitten not a supernatural entity."

"It's evil Spock; I'm not getting any closer to it."

Spock's eyebrow rose further as at that moment the kitten let out a tiny meow and made its eyes even bigger and Jim backed even further away from it, "Captain, why are you so sure that the kitten is evil?"

"It's a cat Spock." Jim said like it was obvious, "They fool you with their cute looks and innocent meows, then they get you when you least expect it. They're all evil."

Spock was taken aback by the certainty in the captain's voice and took a moment to try and decide where Jim had come to that conclusion; he was pulled out of his thoughts by the captain's panicked voice, "Spock it's getting closer!"

Spock looked and saw that the kitten had clambered up onto the bed and that Jim was now pressed against the headboard to keep away from it. Moving swiftly Spock picked the kitten up and held it in his arms in one smooth movement, much to the visible relief of Jim, "Captain, what do you want me to do with the kitten?"

"I don't care Spock; just get it off my ship."

"Of course sir."

* * *

It took awhile but they eventually found out that the kitten had been beamed up with Scotty and Pavel by accident and they soon managed to return it to its proper owners. Afterwards Spock thought about Jim's reaction to the kitten and after a discussion with McCoy found out the reason.

It seemed that Jim had an inexplicable phobia of cats.

Fascinating.

* * *

_**PS-Yes I have just given Jim a phobia of cats. Don't ask me why because not even I understand some of the things my mind comes up with. I hope you liked the chapter and any ideas for other chapters will be welcome.**_


	11. Fluffy Command Crew

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Greetings and salutations good readers. Another bizarre event in the lives of our favourite starship crew and this time its Hikaru who has to deal with it. Thank you for your support of this story and I hope to have an update soon.**_

_**As always I own nothing.**_

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**Fluffy Command Crew**

Hikaru Sulu was having a very strange day.

He'd been told to come up to the bridge because there had been an incident and knowing what things could be like he had rushed up to see what had happened. What he had found was quite odd even for the _Enterprise_.

There were several animals on the bridge.

Hikaru gaped for a minute before looking for someone like Spock who could explain what had happened but found that none of the Command Crew were present. He was distracted when a Border collie puppy bounded up to him giving small excited barks with its tail wagging furiously. It was about to jump up at him when it was intercepted by an adult wolf that seemed to gently admonish it and then usher it towards the Command Chair. The wolf then clambered into the chair and sat upright keeping an eye on the puppy that was still bouncing around in front of the chair and occasionally tripping over its own feet. On the chair's right arm a black cat sat perfectly straight and was fixing the wolf with a penetrating gaze, beside the chair's left side there was sat a tiger that was glaring at the wolf like it had done something wrong. The wolf appeared to then grin at the tiger which rolled its eyes as the cat raised a single eyebrow.

Hikaru addressed the replacement helmsman, "Lieutenant, what is going on here?"

The man turned and gave his report surprisingly calmly, "Things were functioning normally Lieutenant when Mr Scott came onto the bridge to show a device he'd been working on to the Captain. He was explaining to the Captain, Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, Doctor McCoy and Ensign Chekov when it suddenly activated and then they were transformed into animals sir."

"Lieutenant, if the six of them are animals where are the other two, I only see four?"

"Lieutenant Uhura is underneath the communications station and Mr Scott is sitting on top of the engineering station."

He looked at the to places the helmsman had indicated and saw a cheetah underneath the comm. desk and a monkey sitting on the other station fiddling with some device which Hikaru assumed was the one that caused the transformations. Now knowing which ones Nyota and Scotty were he quickly worked out that the wolf was Jim, Spock was the cat, Leonard had become the tiger and Pavel was the collie pup and was apparently enjoying himself if his continued excited bouncing was anything to go by.

He made his way over to the comm. desk which Nyota was underneath, trying not to trip over Pavel as he went, and got in contact with science and engineering to get them to send some people up to look at the device. He then had to forcibly order a timid communications officer to man the station in place of Nyota, who had now gone to join the others by the Command Chair. He turned back to the chair to see cat Spock staring at him and he got the feeling that his performance was being rated, Jim wolf had left the chair and was now having a play dog fight with puppy Pavel while Doctor Tiger kept grumpily growling at them. Nyota cheetah was ignoring their antics as she sat next to the right side of the chair which Spock was perched upon and occasionally growled at them when they accidently bumped into her. There was a sudden yelping and clattering sound from the engineering station and everyone turned to see Scotty monkey chattering angrily at the device lying on the station with his fur all standing on end. Scotty then kicked the device and it fired out a load of sparks which caused another stream of most likely very inappropriate monkey language to come out of his mouth.

At that moment the science officers and engineers arrived, stopping only momentarily at the sight before them they headed over to where the device was still lying on the engineering station. When he saw them Scotty monkey snatched the device up and scampered of to a high point of the bridge where they couldn't reach him. He then let out another stream of monkey that Hikaru was certain went along the lines of 'I can do it myself' but with more insulting remarks directed at the less competent engineers. Hikaru tried to reason with him, "Mr Scott, I'm certain that you can fix this yourself but using their help might help you do it quicker."

He was treated more monkey language that he guessed wasn't very flattering to him; he wondered what he could do to appease the furrier CEO when a meow came from Spock. It wasn't a very loud meow but it carried a tone that demanded everyone's attention and everyone dutifully looked to the very well presented cat. Spock's gaze however was fixed on Scotty and he continued to stare the Scotsmonkey down until the engineer let out a huff and came down from his perch, he settled back down on the engineering station and pointed at Ensign Harvard. Harvard and Hikaru quickly worked out what Scotty was saying and the ensign hurried over to the station as Hikaru dismissed the others, Spock also made his way gracefully over to the station to assist the other two and Hikaru left Harvard to try and interpret the wild flailing and chattering of a Scottish monkey and the gazes and occasional meows of an emotionless Vulcan cat.

He turned back to the other four who had stopped what they were doing to watch the scene and found that Jim and Pavel had returned to their play fight. Doctor Tiger had turned his back on them while Nyota cheetah was watching with amusement. Soon Jim wolf rolled into Leonard who must have decided that enough was enough because he pounced on Jim and joined the fray forcing Nyota to hastily pick puppy Pavel up in her jaws to rescue him from the now much more competitive match. She deposited him safe distance from the flailing mess of wolf and tiger and they both settled down to watch the outcome. Hikaru sighed and sat in the Command Chair, knowing that Jim and Leonard wouldn't actually hurt each other and that there was no way he could stop them anyway he took command of the bridge.

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It took several hours but they eventually managed to reverse it but not without some incidents first.

Pavel eventually got bored watching Jim and Leonard's never ending wrestling match and managed to escape the bridge. This led to a frantic search of the ship and they found him being menaced by the goose who did not appreciate being bounced by a collie pup. Thankfully Jim, Nyota and Bones had also joined the search and ran to the puppy's rescue growling and snapping at the goose causing it to flee in terror, not even the dreaded goose was brave enough to face off against an angry wolf, tiger and cheetah all at once. The device also shocked Scotty, Spock and Harvard several times leading to the very funny sight of a Vulcan cat with all its fur standing on end while trying to look sensible and calm. Jim and Hikaru also had a falling out over who should be sitting in the Command Chair and eventually Hikaru was left standing while a very smug looking wolf sat in it. Soon after Pavel seemingly used up all his energy and settled down to sleep next to McCoy treating the bridge to the adorable sight of a puppy curled up next to a tiger. When it was eventually reversed McCoy wasted no time in dragging all of them down to Medbay to get checked out and life returned to what consisted as normal on board the _Enterprise_.

Though after the third time he found a dog's chew toy waiting for him at his station Pavel was seriously tempted to find out who left it there and ram it up their nose.

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_**PS-So I hope you enjoyed that and please let me know what you think. If you're wondering why Jim wasn't scared of Spock when he has a phobia of cats then my excuse is that he knows its Spock and not a real cat. **_


End file.
